True friendshipNik Haddadi
They say that true friends are hard to find, we all want true and good friends in our lives but are we that to our own self? The most important relationship in our life is the one that we have with our self. We tend to be kind, caring and thoughtful towards those around us, but rarely extend these compassionate qualities to our self. If a friend comes to us with something they are going through in life, we offer them our highest wisdom and compassionate understanding – we empower them by reminding them of their strength and their beauty, we reassure them that what they are experiencing and going through in life is natural, and that everything will be just fine. But if we our self go through an identical issue, we meet our self with a complete lack of empathy, insolence and disdain. The reasons why we do this I won’t go into in great depth, but ultimately it derives from not valuing one self. We feel as though we are not worthy of the same compassion and care that we so openly share and offer to others. This displays the disorder of the mind; it is a groundless dichotomy that the separate-self creates. How can the one who is compassionate not deserve compassion?
This also raises an interesting question: what is it that we have to do in order to be loved? Do we have to act a certain way, think a certain way, and be a certain way for us to be worthy of love? Is there a criteria or requirement that makes us more or less deserving of love? Do flowers have to do anything for the sun to shine on them? Do flowers have to do anything for rain to fall on them? Or is it the sun and the rain that makes them beautiful? Love is our version of the sun and the rain, it is love that makes us grow, it is love that makes us beautiful. It is not that we have to be beautiful in order to receive love – but in fact it is love that makes us beautiful. Feeling worthy of love is in our own hands, it is determined by our value of our own self. This value, when assessed by the mind, becomes highly skewed – as our perception of our self does not and can not accurately reveal or represent that which we truly are. And so, we have to go beyond the mind’s trivialities – into the space of deep stillness where we come to understand that by means of simply being we are worthy of love – all are worthy of love. Once we truly realise this, not just the words, but the experience of what this truly means and implies, our heart will open and love will flow both inwardly and outwardly in abundance. And so, let us be a friend to our self first, above all else. Let us offer all the goodness we wish to share with the world to our own self first, above all else. Everything else will come naturally by virtue of doing so.
Now, true friendship. True friends see the highest virtue in each other, even when it may not be present. They conceal each other’s mistakes. They elevate each other and raise each other’s consciousness. They open each other’s minds, but most importantly each other’s hearts. They seek to understand themselves better through their relationship together. Their love and regard for one another is not determined by proximity or the frequency of which they see each other. In their absence, we cherish their virtues and qualities and imbibe them for our own self – in fact it is in their absence that we become acutely aware of what it is that we so deeply appreciate about them. The relationship is light and without expectation, and yet in that all needs are met. For they decrease our wants and needs, they simplify us and ground our being – making us realise that we indeed already have everything we could ever want and need. Through their friendship, our relationship with our own “Self” deepens and grows stronger.
We should seek friends not to kill time with, but those who make us go beyond time, those who make us feel one with life – in conversation or in silence.